I didn’t intend for the words to come out. Not in that way, anyhow.

I really wasn’t upset about the glass bowls that now lay in pieces throughout the kitchen.

But I was tired. And sick. I had worked all day and not gotten enough done and I knew that tomorrow I’d have to summon up more energy than I have to get through it all. But mostly, I just wanted to sit and do nothing until the clock gave me permission to send my son to bed.

Although I wasn’t concerned about the broken bowls, I knew it would take all my energy to show that carefree attitude.

As I confronted the task ahead of me – how would I find all the slivers on the counter, the floor, the sink so no one gets hurt? – he just stood there, in the middle of the mess, continuing to pour cheerios into one of the unbroken bowls, oblivious that there was glass everywhere, that I would have to painstakingly clean it up, that the sharp edges mirrored the feeling in my scratchy throat.

So I lost it. From somewhere deep and dark, out it came. “Get out of here NOW!”

It wasn’t the words so much as the tone. And the volume. A guttural sound that lingered in the air even after apologies were uttered and everyone was tucked in.

I wanted to undo it, but I couldn’t. So as I drifted off to sleep, I gave myself grace. And tried to sink the lesson into my heart and head.

When you don’t feel well, when the day is already hard, when you rush around doing one-more-thing – this is when words come from ugly places.

Today is a fresh morning after a Nyquil-induced sleep. Time to gear up to lecture and be perky. Even though I feel anything but.

It’s going to be necessary to give myself lots of grace. I’m not sure I can pull off grading essays and giving a stellar lecture and preparing for next week and making dinner.

It’s tempting to try because I’m not that sick. And I should get caught up. But more than anything, I don’t want that monstrous voice to surface again.

So I need to be mindful.

My relationships, the air in my house, is much more important than any single task on my list. More important than all of the tasks on my list. So I need to safeguard it.

So until I can get rid of this cold, I’m going to do less and sleep more. In fact, after I drop the monkey off at school, I’m crawling back into bed.

Here’s encouragement for you to relax not just when your body forces you to, but when it would be good for you and your people.